Decisions.

Decisions...

Have you ever had to make a tough decision? If you're human I know you have. I am in the midst of one of those monumental decision making moments as we speak...it seems as if I've been here forever.

I tend to think all decisions have eternal consequences, even though some seem bigger than others, and I suppose they are at least in terms of felt impact. My current dilemma is rather huge. Definite eternal implications. For myself and certainly for my family. 

What is one to do?

I'll be perfectly honest. I feel with (almost) every fiber of my being I know what the right decision is. 

"Great!", you say, "So, what's the issue?"

Well, I suppose the (almost) is one of the issues. The fact that I'm not totally sure...though I don't know that it's entirely possible to be completely sure of much...But the bigger issue for me right now is that almost no one will be happy about this decision. The range of emotions and reactions from friends, acquaintances, and associates will range from anger to disbelief, and the one I fear most is disappointment. 

Even myself...I can't lie. I'm not totally sure I totally love the choice I feel lead to make. A part of me will have to die. Long held dreams, desires, and ambitions I will need to let go of...At least for the foreseeable future. Im sure these hopes, dreams, desires, and ambitions will be replaced with new ones.(One can only hope, right?) Still...its not easy letting go. 

But, I feel this is the decision I must make. For myself and my family as we seek to follow Jesus.

I'm still trying to get to that "More of Him, less of me" way of being...it's certainly a process.

Fear of man issues is something I've struggled with mightily...and these days it is weighing on my soul like a millstone around my neck.

But as he(Christ) hopefully increases, and as I hopefully decrease in my own heart and mind...I pray that the fears and anxiety I feel towards those I choose to associate with will be drowned out and replaced by love and adoration for the God and savior in whom I have no choice but to love and follow, and the family I have no choice but to love and lead in the way of Jesus.